Patronising

A piece of doggerel prose in rhyming couplets for St George’s Day.

Calmgrove

Durer’s St George and the Dragon. The crowned princess is lurking behind a rock. With a pig.

St George fought the dragon and killed it — or did he? Such doubt could make patriots go weak and quite giddy. Did he rescue a maiden and liberate a city like Perseus, it’s said, in ancient antiquity? Or is it a myth, a tale for the gullible from powerful leaders who claim they’re infallible?

The truth is that George has a past that is murky: perhaps Cappadocia (that’s now part of Turkey) or Palestine claims him. Yes, Christian martyr — but slayer of dragons? Well, that‘s a non-starter.

He’s patron of England, the Knights of the Garter, Teutonic Knights, Reichenau, Gozo and Malta. He’s chief saint of Portugal and also of Genoa, of Moscow and Beirut and, yes, Catalonia. God help us if they all decide to go fight, for how will George know who is wrong and who’s right?

Yet it’s the far right who often invoke him…

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Apportioning blame

The quality of spam is much declin’d.
It droppeth as the state of public discourse
Upon our eyes and ears is daily ‘smirched.
It blasteth him that gives and him that takes:
‘Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it ill becomes
The thronèd tweeter in his office,
Whose textspeak shows the force of ignorant power
(No attribute to awe and majesty)
Wherein doth sit his wanton spiteful thoughts.

But spamming sits below this septic sway;
It is embedded in the hearts of those
Who think to embody the soul of wit itself;
Their online power resembleth trolls’
Whose cruelty seasons hate.

Continue reading Apportioning blame

Rapier wit

crosswordblank

If ever forced to try out swordplay
I’d fail to be a Cyrano.
And as for impro wordplay,
expecting puns? Oh, sirrah, no!

Clash of steel best fitting crossed swords
(whether epées, foils or rapiers),
flash of real wit suiting crosswords
(often met in broadsheet papers):

all would go from bad to worse
(same as when I’m writing verse).
I’m as like to win a duel as
write a gem fit for a jeweller’s.

So it begins

graves

Things come in threes: he’s about to drop her off at the shops when he realises he’s left his phone at home, so can’t liaise about where and when to meet up.

Next, after he’s filled up the car with petrol, he discovers his wallet is in his other man-bag. At home.

After some frantic running around the money problem is solved when he spots her coming out of a shop. But later, returning from a visit to the local library, he finds his everyday glasses are no longer on his nose — and the library isn’t open for another two days.

“Is it nearly time for the pillow over the head?’ she murmurs, sultrily. And so it begins.

Year

cropped-wpid-img_20140918_210448.jpg

She drew the diary from her shoulder bag, and its weight seemed portentous.

Feeling a sudden chill she picked up the poker with her other hand and stirred the glowing coals, breathing new life into the fire.

As if on impulse, she deftly threw the book into the flames.

Take that, 2016! she thought, fiercely.

 

Flash Fiction Fifty Five, a story made up of 55 words including the title

SPAM #2 Fact!

https://openclipart.org/
https://openclipart.org/

Original spam (provided by Lizzie Ross)

Asking questions are in fact fastidious thing if you are not understanding something completely, however  this piece of writing gives good understanding even.

Spam transformed from Nonsense to Sense?

Asking questions are in! Fact!
Fastidious thing, if you are not understanding something completely!
However, this piece of writing gives good, understanding even!

Thanks to Lizzie Ross for another entry in my first and only Spam Poetry Competition
Please note, the closing date for entries is the last day before eternity

SPAM #1 → MAPS #1

map

Maps for transforming nonsense spam

Original
Genuinely when someone doesn’t be aware of afterward its up to other users that they will assist,
so here it takes place.

Nonsense → Sense

Genuinely, when someone doesn’t?
Be aware of afterward!
It’s up to other users that they will assist so.
Here it takes place.

 

Acknowledgement: Lizzie Ross for competition submission

Message in a bottle

footprints
footprints

No matter
if some one searches
for his essential thing,

thus he/she wishes to be
available

that in detail,
so that thing is maintained
over here.

A recent, recycled entry in my ongoing spam poetry competition
Do you have a favourite bit of spoetry you think qualifies? Post it as a comment below; please note, it will only be considered if it ends up in my spam folder.